Difficult times

It has been over three months since I have posted. In that time I have had many stressors that have derailed my fitness goals.  I have gained over 15 pounds back and am very unhappy about it.  I have lost focus and my motivation for working out.  I have not been able to get myself to just go to the gym because I believe it will not feel as good to workout as it has in the past.  I am in need of a change in routine but I have to be ready for it and accepting of the change.  I really don't know what I am going to do.  I look back at all my accomplishments and still my motivation is gone.  I truly do not want to work out.  I am also eating much more than I should.  I know what my intake has to be to at least maintain my current weight. I did it through my period of injury where I was not able to work out. But now it is more for comfort than anything else. I am ignoring all that I have learned and am taking the easy way to easy my stress. I hope I can find my drive again.

YAY!

Two days back at working out and I feel great. Each day I have used the stairmaster for 50 min and burned 500 calories.  No pain in my hips or anywhere else.  I don't want to do too much cause I sure don't want to get hurt again.  I am going for a walk outside today, maybe down by the beach.  I haven't been for a week or so and I want to see the water.  I have go to remember not to overdo it but it is very difficult. There are so many things I want to do and get back into.  I am going to be starting yoga again soon because I think it will be really good for me.

July 23

Ok vacation is over. I am returning to my workout regimen Monday. I was giving my hips a break and not exercising but I am in need of a distraction from life so here goes.  I am at 131 pounds and still losing due to restrictions on calories.  But I need lots of toning up to do.  I talked with my doctor and she said it was ok for me to lose another 11 pounds.  My goal weight is 120. Totally within my weight category for my height. YAY! I think I am also going to stop eating meat and only eat fish again. It worked out well for me during Lent and I will need new fish recipes.

Setback

It's July and I have had a major setback. I just don't feel like working out anymore. I know I should and that it makes me feel good but I am just not doing it anymore.  The setback is in my thinking. I don't have the motivation to go. I am still maintain my weight at 133 but I can feel my body getting squishier or not as toned. I just have one excuse after another. I know this is not the way I want to be or a way to get my goals accomplished, but still I don't go to the gym. It started when I was not able to go running anymore.  Now I am set on just not going at all. I hope this doesn't last too long and I can find my motivation again.

June

Here I am in the month of June am down to 133 pounds. I have not been doing too well with my running. I have had to stop completely due to not having proper footwear. Yeah that really sucks because I have gone through two pairs of really good running shoes but they have not been the right ones for me.  I am going to have to get my shoes custom made to fit my feet. When I run now my hips have been really hurting me.  I have a pronation in my feet and need stability shoes for running. This sucks because the two pairs I have purchased have been stability shoes but have not been the correct type. So I have tried running after each purchase and not cannot run for a while. Walking is painful so running is out of the question. I tried the elliptical yesterday and had some pain but not too much. This has been putting a damper on my workouts. But thankfully not on my mood too much. I have been feeling happier lately.  I do miss my workouts though. But not enough to push myself to get worse. So on it goes day by day. I have strick control on my diet so I know I won't gain any weight. I have been losing some this month. I started out the month at 140 pounds and have been consistently at 133-135 pounds. I still have about 12 pounds to go.

May is here!!

Wow! I have made it to May finally. I have been enjoying life right now and have been very excited about Spring finally arriving. This means I can go outside with out freezing. I can run out side and see the beach and just be outside. The euphoria a feel being outside is amazing and has been eagerly awaited.
So on with the details...Well I am at 140 pounds (85 pounds lost) now and have been for the month of April. I have more muscle definition all over but especially in my legs and arms. My abdomen is looking a lot better but still a struggle. At least I have gotten past wanting to quit and just get a tummy tuck. Slowly I am gaining better results. I just have had to learn lots of Patience. And that is not something that comes easy for me.  I have been trying to get out and run as much as the weather permits, even if it is a little chilly.  Otherwise the StairMaster is key and the treadmill a back up.  I don't like using the treadmill because I run so different outside than inside. I still want to lose 20 more pounds to get to my goal weight but I am in no hurry. I am just taking my time and enjoying my workouts. But I was having a hard time with my food intake. I was not eating enough calories. My body did not like that and stalled my weight loss. So I have changed my eating habits to smaller meals more often.  It has been working out fabulous. I am still eating what I need but spread out in the day.  I have also cut back on meat consumption. Not necessary restriction on eating meat but on the quality. I don't want to waste good calories on crappy meat.  I would rather have fish, shrimp or other seafood.  I am going to try for running 3 miles every weekday in the month of May. Weekends are for me to rest which has been difficult to do but good for me.

145 POUNDS

WOW!! 145 this morning and for the last two days.  I wanted to make sure the number was really right.  I have now lost a total of 80 pounds. I still have 25 more to go.  I am starting to be able to see the differences.  I can see the changes in my arms, legs and my face.  My stomach is still not where I want it but it might never be.  I had two kids by C-section so I might always have that pouch. But I can work the best I can to tighten things up.  My legs are looking really nice. But that is from all the StairMaster.  Now the running is doing fairly well.  I am running 1 1/2 miles everyday.  I am tryng to improve my time. I was running 3 miles but I think that might have been too much for me too soon.

Pain

Yesterday I got on the treadmill to run a mile and a half. I was taking it easy because I had ran 3 miles the day before.  When I got on the treadmill I started to warm up by walking. As soon as I took my first step...ouch. My hip started to hurt. Now I am not one to ignore pain or to have a high threshold for pain. It hurt, and I stopped. So now I am really scared to start running again. Am I a coward for not trying? Hell yeah. I don't want to have it hurt worse.  But I really like running right now.  So back on I get.  Just not so fast or for as long.  I am warming up before I run and taking it easy for a few days.  Running is almost as good for me as the StairMaster was.  But I knew I needed a change.  My body was getting use to the StairMaster routine.  I can't wait to be able to run outside.  YAY!!

Phase 2

So today starts phase two with P90x. YAY!! I am so excited to start this again.  Last week was the recovery week and I did stretching, yoga and core exercise. Not bad but not too fun.  So this week is exciting for me. Now I am starting something new along with P90x. Running. I started to run 3 miles every other day. I have been working on the stairmaster for many months and I wanted a change.  So the treadmill it is.  It is still too cold outside for me to run out there but hopefully when the weather heats up I can get outside.  I am looking forward to spring just for that reason.  So the treadmill is my only option right now.  I have been doing pretty good with it at lunch times. I was working out in the afternoon but too many conflicts left me missing many days because of work.  So I am using my lunch time to go running.  I was able to go 4 miles on the stairmaster burning 400 calories in 35 minutes.  On the treadmill I can run at 6.5-7.0 and make 3 miles in less than 30 minutes. I just started so I have to work my way up to 4 miles...then maybe 5. I am not sure where I want my goal to be so I am just having fun.  3 miles is pleanty for me right now.  I can't believe how much I am enjoying running.  Maybe it is the sence of acomplishment or just that I am surprised I can actually make the 3 mile mark. So my saga continues.

Day 15 P90X

My back hurts. My whole body hurts. For two weeks I have been doing this and I have to say I do like the results. The workouts are fun and inspiring. This really is a great work out.  But damn it hurts. This is the last week of phase 1 then on to the recovery then phase 2. Any program that has a recovery phase in it has to be extreme. Ouch. Kinda scared about what comes next but still happy I started this. I can defiantly see me doing these DVDs for some time.  I just can't wait to get stronger. My diet has been going well. I haven't lost any more weight but am sticking strong at 148. Muscle...Muscle...this is what I am looking for now.  I want to tone up. I started at Gold's Gym today for a 7 day free trial. I want to see about the pool and the lap swim facilities. They even have a hot tub. I am not sure I want to be a member but I will give it the 7 days. Let's hope it is feasible to get there from work in time. Yay!!

BMI 24.8!!!

I weighted myself today and was 148 pounds. So I wanted to check my BMI because it has been a while and wanted to check my progress. Well I am now in the NORMAL category. Not OVERWEIGHT anymore!!  I started out at 37.4 and in the OBESE category in 2009. Wow this was an eye opening experience. I still have about 20 pounds to go but this is such an accomplishment for me. I never felt like I was actually obese at 225 but I knew I was overweight.  But I look back at the pictures of me at that time of my heaviest weight and I was so unhappy and unhealthy. So do I celebrate with a chocolate cake??? Nope. I am going to the gym today and having turkey fajitas tonight. Celebration for me is not eating anymore but acknowledging the accomplishment. Oh and I can finally admit to me weight on my drivers license as correct. YAY!!

Week 2

Week 2 starts today and I am feeling great and have a good positive attitude.  I am looking forward to going to the gym today.  I get to leave work early to work out and then after dinner tonight I am working on shoulders and arms today along with the ab workout. I have to take these workouts one day at a time and not worry about the whole week.  Sometimes I discourage myself by thinking that I won't be able to do it all week.  But in doing that it just makes me anxious for each day.  So I am only thinking about today. The future will work itself out I just need to concentrate on right now. 

Week one DONE!!

Yay!!! I finished my first complete week of P90X. Ouch is my need adjective for how I feel. But it sure does feel good. I tried my best and am ready for this next week. I did my stairmaster routine 4 days this week, I took Friday off. But this coming week I should do the stairs 5 days. The P90X schedule is the same as last week.  I know what to expect now so I need to push myself more.  The dvd's are really fun but difficult.  I am adding in an extra 15 min ab workout three days a week because I need a little extra help.  I am feeling a lot better this week so hopefully all goes well this coming week. 

Day 4 P90X

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch. Yup that is all I have to say for my past workouts with P90X. Dear God I don't know what I was thinking to start this program but ouch is defiantly what I am thinking now.  But I love it.  Yesterday I did the Kenpo X tape and wow! It is kickboxing! I have never done anything like that so I was a little behind the curve in getting started but I just kept on going.  It was a fabulous workout and I stuck with it for the entire hour. Awesome!! I felt great and slept like a baby. This is my third week at starting over with P90X so I never did this tape before. I usually quit due to snow, kids, ..... whatever. But this week was different. I made it to day 4. I started out my workout at the gym by using the StairMaster. But I only did 15 min because I got a cramp in my foot...again. So I had to end my workout because it hurt too damn much. I have to get vitamin supplements but haven't yet. I went home had dinner then started the Kenpo X. I didn't know what to expect but I was excited.  So we start out doing punches( I have never thrown a punch so this was new to me). Then we Incorporated kicks and feet movement.  The feet is where I ran into trouble.  Coordinating both my upper body and lower body was difficult but still a lot of fun.  I think that is what I like most..the fun.  I like these tapes because they are new and fun.  I just hope I can keep it up for 86 more days.

P90X

I have started over with P90X and am doing really well this time around.  I still need the Cardio workout to help my moods but I really like the P90X work outs.  I really feel like I have accomplished something when I do them.  I also have added another abdominal workout.  I think if I keep them short it is easier for me to do.  One is 16 min and the other is 15.  And I am doing one in the morning and one at night.  I was keeping track of my workouts on my ipod but I lost it this past weekend so I haven't found an alternative yet.  I also like the extra mini trampoline work out I started this week. Only 20 min 3x a week.  So the P90x workouts are at least an hour and the others are short.  But the main thing is that I am having lots of fun doing them.  I can't wait for the summer when I can start running outside.  I hate to run on the treadmill or run indoors. I feel like a hamster on a wheel. But running outside feels exhilarating. I also want to start swimming but I have to wait on that. 

149!!!

Wow. This morning I woke up and weighed myself and I was at 149.2 pounds. I could not believe it.  That number shocked me.  The last time I checked I was at 152 so I know it is not beyond the possible but I just wasn't expecting it.  It has been more that 12 years since I have been even close to 149. I have been going between a size 10 and a size eight for about two weeks. The 10's are getting too big but I am not quite comfortable enough to be in 8's. Because that would be in the single digits and that is almost as mindblowing as wearing a size M vice a L. And the only way I have been able to really get through to myself that I am losing weight is to look at the size of my clothes.  Size 8!! But I have been feeling like I have been full with less food.  I am still using Lose It to track the calories and activity on my Ipod. I am starting P90X over again on Monday and working out at the gym at 3pm an hour before work ends 3 days a week. Then at 4pm on the other two days. I am excited to see what the next week brings.

My return to the gym

I finally returned to the gym yesterday and had a fabulous work out.  StairMaster at level 10 for 23 min then at level 13 for the last 7 min. I burned 340 calories and went 3 miles. Now why can't I run three miles? I am not ready to tackle running yet but hopefully this spring and summer I will be.  I want to enter a 5K run just to see if I can do it.  That is my goal for the end of the year. I had to do some readjustment of my goals recently. Especially after my setback. I think I put too much pressure on myself to get to a certain weight. I have been wary but thought I was ready to try it. And nope. I need to just go at my own pace. It really is not about that number on the scale but how you feel in your skin.  Hopefully that sinks into my brain. So tomorrow and then next week the full week of gym workouts and P90X do over. I do have to modify the workout so as that I am not too bored with it. 

Setback

I haven't been doing any exercise since the last post.  For me that is a long time. And of course it has to do with what is going on in my life.  Like I have said before I exercise and go to the gym as therapy.  I feel so much better and can function better.  But when I don't I go down hill fast.  I started the P90X program and stopped going to the gym after work.  I was still working out but it is strength training with weights and a lot of pull ups (which I still can't do).  I haven't got to the part yet that had cardio.  That is where I am getting muddled. I usually look forward all day to my afternoon workouts, even when I am sad.  Even when I go to the gym and cry on one of the machines, I feel better after my workouts.  But this week I was doing something new but also letting someone go.  Not the best position for me to be in and I got very depressed.  It came so fast I didn't have time to react.  Friday, Saturday and Sunday I spent in bed just crying and feeling awful. Not working out. This led to a 5 pound weight gain. Again I am an emotional eater but it is when I am bored at home that I have the most difficulty with.  So I have to get myself back on track and start back at the gym.  I will still continue P90X but with cardio added. I am disappointed in myself for my set back but they happen and I have to just move forward.  I was going to start today but I am amending that to take a little bit of time off. I have to pull myself together and start anew.  Just cardio for about a week to get my head straight.

Today is day 3

Oh my today is day three of P90X and I think I really like this program. Now don't get me wrong this is a difficult workout and it really has me pushing myself. But the exercises are not really difficult but there are strenuous. You do 25, 30, 40 reps of each exercise. That is a lot for me.  Some of the exercises look very basic but after 30 times you can get tired. But that is the point. It is funny that some of the exercise are geared towards men.  There is a exercise that has you going through the motions of throwing a ball, like in baseball.  Well I have never played baseball so this was completely foreign to me and I had to slow down the DVD to see what the hell I was suppose to do.  I got it after a time but it did make me laugh.  I have worked my back and shoulder more than ever in my life.  So today I am in pain. Yesterday was a lot of jumping and squats.  I really liked yesterdays routine.  Today is arms, shoulders and abs. Now the ab routine is extremely difficult. I cannot do as many as I would like, but that is the point to try more over time and give it your all. So today is going to be a painful day as well but do it I will.

P90X Day 1

Today is my first day starting the P90X program. I am totally nervous but I am excited about trying something new.  Now I am not the most athletic person but I know I what I am capable of.  Without a doubt I believe this will be a good thing for me.  I want to tone my body and gain more flexibility.  There is Yoga, Arms, Legs, Abs, shoulders, back and cardio exercises.  Lots of this stuff I haven’t even tried to work on.  Cardio for me has been the Stair-Master. I do Yoga also and Pilates.  But this is a whole different set of exercises.  I think this is going to be very difficult for me but I am completely with this program.  90 days is a timeframe that is good for me to complete this in.  Today is Jan 17 and I will be done April 17.  I will only be weighing myself once a week.  This will probably be extremely difficult to do but I can’t do it more than that because I don’t want to get upset with myself if I see the scale go in the wrong direction. Today I have the day off but I have to start at the same time of day so I am starting at 430 pm.  I will be doing these DVD’s 6 days a week and stretching on Sunday. I will be keeping track of my progress on my iPod. 

My gym?

I have been going to the gym across the street from where I work for about a year now.  I actually love going there because it is convenient and there are not alot of people there. One thing about me is that I actually prefer to workout alone.  I have gone to the gym with others but have always felt like I had to be more social than actually working out. So I like my gym. A good friend was telling about the gym he goes to and invited me to join him.  I was hesitant but have given it a second thought. He was telling me how great the place was and the positive thing that they had to offer. But is it enough to entice me to join a gym that is 20 minutes from my house? I don't know. I am still very self conscious about myself and am not too sure if I will feel comfortable there. But here is the best part....THEY HAVE A POOL!!!!! I love to swim. I am a native Southern Californian so the beach is my wonderland. But a substitute is a pool. I could swim everyday any day and be completely happy. Now I have to go check out this pool. This would be the one reason for me joining this gym. Without a doubt I would go all the time. Swimming is wonderful exercise and fun too. I would have to purchase a bathing suit but I can deal with that if I can get in the pool. Now does this mean I would abandon my gym across the street? I don't know. I think I will have to give the other a try and see how committed I will be with it and then decide. But I am excited to try it. Now if they only have babysitting it would be perfect. My friend said he has seen mother go in with kids but they don't work out with them. Of course this made me laugh...he is a soon-to be dad of twin girls so he will find out too soon all the joys of parenthood.

Lose It!

On Christmas day I started an app (Lose It!) on my iTouch that was to count calories.  The one thing that I never do. Never. I know I should be just never could bring myself to do. I have always been watching my fat intake.  I only let myself have no more than 15 grams of fat per meal. Usually breakfast is not anywhere close so usually between 30-40 grams a day. That has been easier for me to deal with. I hate counting calories. Well at least I did. Using this app has helped so much. And easy is always better right? Well for this it is. I input what I have and there are lists of items to go by. Brand items you find in the store or you can input your own.  It is so cool. Then you put in your exercise/activity. Wow this makes so many things easier. Now I have only lost 2 pounds since I started but that is ok. I am not about to get discouraged. I will keep doing what I have been I will just pay a little more attention to my calorie intake. And I have learned that that handful of this, a scoop of that or a bit of whatever adds up also.  It might only be a few calories but to see the numbers in black and white make the decisions a bit easier to make better ones. I have been trying new foods like ground turkey instead of ground beef in spaghetti or burgers. Low fat cheese, fat free beans, soy milk, almonds and baking chips (instead of peanut M&M's) and lots and lots of water. I am trying to switch to tea instead of coffee in the mornings. All these little things have a lower calorie count so every bit helps. I am learning to cook healthier meals that I have always loved but didn't make like stir fry. And most of all I am trying to insert fish into my daily or every other day meals.  Tuna and salmon are my favorites. I need to cut out sugar and eat more whole grains but I am working on that also. Lots of good stuff to try that I am very excited about.

New Goals

Since I have started on my weight loss journey I have to say that I have not had time specific goals in mind.  Nope. Not a specific weight I wanted to be in a specific time frame. Or what I wanted to be able to eat or what I wanted to be able to fit into.  I had things in mind but nothing ever concrete. I wanted to get down to 130 because it was where I started out 12 years ago when I lost 30 pounds after I went to Navy boot camp. I was in good shape but still I could have done alot more.  But I had  a baby and then got lazy. No more. Today I found myself looking into setting goals for myself that I really want to stick to.  So here goes. Since it is January 9th I want to set my first goal for my birthday on March 4, 2011 to be at 140 pounds. Then my next goal is April 4, 2011 to be at 130 pounds. Last to be at 120 pounds (my new weight loss goal) on May 4, 2011. Woohoo. That would be 33 pounds to go. 33 pounds in 4 months. I believe it to be a very sound plan. Now goals can change and if it does not seem like I can do it I can adjust my time line.  But I believe I can. I have a plan and I will stick to it.  Now I have to just pick out my final goal outfit to look forward to.

First week of the new year

Ok here I am after 4 days of my new routine on the StairMaster.  30 minutes at level 11 then 5 at level 15. Wow this has really helped me to stay focused on what I am doing and has kept my mind on track.  I am doing well in my nutrition also.  I have lost only 2 pounds this week but I take that.  I am down to 153. YAY!! I am not looking for a fast weight loss now. I really don't expect to lose alot in the next few months.  But I do notice my stomach getting tighter.  I might actually be able to see my abs soon! Watch out. I still have some weight to lose about 27 pounds. I know it is gonna be worth it. And I feel great after my workouts. This is great news and I look forward to tomorrow.  I just need to do something on the weekend to supplement my fitness.  Yoga does not do it. maybe Pilate's. I will try that this weekend.

Jan 03

First day back from the New Years Weekend and I am at the gym.  I haven't gone since Thursday.  This weekend was a disaster for my diet and exercise schedule.  I had zero motivation and my mood was very depressed.  I knew I should have worked out but I stayed in bed most of the time.  Nothing could bring me to get moving. I just wanted to sleep.  Ugh. I hate feeling like this and I need to stay motivated enough to go to the gym on the weekends.  It seems to me when I stay home I cannot find enough energy to get up and move.  I don't belong to a gym near my house. My gym is at work.  It is right across from work. I have no excuses at work.  I make it to the gym 5 days a week. Even when I get off early I go to the gym.  But if I take the day off or on the weekend I can put off the gym.  I have done Yoga and Pilate's at home and I do like them, but I am nowhere near consistent. I have a schedule for the weekend and it is Yoga/abs on Saturday and Yoga/Pilate's on Sunday. I think I have to add cardio to the morning to get me wanting to do either of these routines. It is just a matter of where and when.  If I don't exercise everyday my mood become depressed and I have zero motivation.  I hope I can find something to help me.  I just am not sure what will work.  Maybe it was just the holidays that were getting me down and then it affected my weekend activity level. I don't know. I just hope it is something I can fix. And soon.

It's a New Year and new beginning...

How did it get to be 2011 already? 12 months have passed and I have been glad to see them go.  What is this year going to be about? What is it going to bring to me? Where am I going to be in another 12 months? Am I going to be in a better place? Am I going to be happy? Am I going to be depressed? What is going to happen? None of these answers are easy. None of these are going to be found tonight or anytime soon. It might take till the end of the year before I do figure it out.  But I have found something. Hope. I want this year to be better. I want to have a better life. I want to make my life happy again. I want to be happy again. Do I think I can do it? How should I know, but I can try. I can try to make the happy come back. I can try to look at thing in a more positive way.  I can try to look past the negative thoughts and self-doubt. I want to see the months move by and be at peace with them.  ok. I can at least try. No promises or false hope or lies to myself. I can take it a little bit at a time. One day till the next.  This is my year. To find Monica. To get to know her again. Not for anyone but me. So my goals are to be physically fit, to eat healthy, to learn to cook better, to take a few chances and to try a few new things.